Ayo

Tonight I was confronted with being happy in my own life or keeping others happy and their lives easier. Tonight I chose my happiness. If you know me than you know that decision did not come with ease or hard feelings. However, I should have chosen myself in a better way because I did not handle myself with grace but I had finally had enough. This weekend has been insane for me because of family complications and working two jobs with everything going on is not easy or even possible. I need to be there for my family and not dealing with Sonic and all of the drama that everyone carries with them. The Sonic life is dramatic and there is always someone wanting to stab you in the back. Today I chose myself after I realized that they didn't know what they had. I was insulted by a hard core junkie and my life is in a lot better condition than hers. So to be judged and told that I was a lesser human being was not acceptable. So on my way out with my middle fingers raised to the air I couldn't help but to sing Ayo by Chris Brown in my head so deuces Sonic! Ayo!!

Let it Go!

Today while sitting with my father trying to have everything make since about the last couple of days he gave me some amazing advice some advice that I hope would change my life in the world of Sonic. Sonic might as well be a gigantic High School because there is the in crowd and the out crowd. Currently it is very obvious that I am on the out crowd now. The gossip was being spread about me and the attitudes towards me were only getting worse and worse each day. To honest it was getting really old insanely fast. This is when my dad explained everything I needed to learn about how to deal with stuck up dramatic people. The people that we all hate and how to no longer let them affect my life and affect my work.

The first rule to live by was "It is what it is" they are starting drama and being assholes because they can there is nothing you can do to change what is happening or how it's making you feel but at the same time you need to just remember it is what it is and let it go.

The second rule was "people aren't going to change". No matter how much you want to help them become a better person or help them find their way so they can be happy as well. So you have to remember that they are never going to change unless they want to and obviously it is not worth your time and effort to try to help them through times in their life if they don't want to make the changes to make their lives better.

The last but definitely not least rule to live by "How you react determines how happy you are in life, don't fight back because even though you won that battle you have not won the war because you are going to be miserable". Everything about this sentence is amazing as soon as it came out of my dads mouth I realized that after every argument I have had at work with people left me proud of myself in the beginning but slowly beginning to make me hate my job. Through life you have to love your job and what you are doing because in all honesty you will spend more time there than you really ever get to at home with your friends and loved ones.

So my lesson for the day is to let work bullshit be work bullshit don't take it home with you and realize that these people are not wanting to do anything better with their lives so why waste any time on them when they obviously will not put any time or effort into making their lives better. So in other words instead of ever sitting down and reading this you could have just watched frozen and sang Elsa's song "Let it Go".

Waiting Time

Within the last few years I have lost who I used to be. Bills and work have become my number one priority. This is hard for me because I had so many passions before I moved out one of which was reading. I have not touched but maybe 3 books in the almost three years since I moved out. I used to write every day and that has gone down to once every few months if I am lucky. I used to be crafty loving to sew and make creations of my own. This weekend somehow sparked that need in me for something more than I have now. I have started reading again and with creating a cosplay for comic con this weekend I decided that is something I may continue to do it will get me back into crafts and sewing like I used to do a few hundred moons ago. My passion for music however, as stayed with me through the bitter end. I decided that at night when I'm listening to my music about to fall asleep I should just write my heart out everything that I am feeling. Considering I have not touched this blogger for years I highly doubt anyone is reading it so I can be brutally honest without having to write in my journal and critiquing my handwriting the whole time. So here I go.

Boys can kiss my ass! I have learned since I have moved out that honestly at this age they don't care about you they really don't. Pardon my french but they just want to get their dick wet. But what they don't know about me is that won't happen unless I feel cared for! I'm tired of falling for guys stupid lies because in the last few weeks I have learned they will feed you whatever lies and hold you close just to make you feel special so they can get what they want. Too many people care about bodies don't get me wrong I have lost a lot of weight since I got out of high school and I am continuing to lose it. But they shouldn't just over look me because I am a size 9 to 1O and the girl right next to me is a size five. I'm sorry but I am not dumb and I have opinions unlike some girls my age, I will voice those opinions if need be.

So here is to the girl thats not a size five and constantly being looked over or just being used for sex. You are beautiful and don't let anyones inability to see that get you down and afraid to show who you really are because inside you are beautiful and you deserve so much more than what they can give you or even want to give you. Wait until the guy can give you what you want I don't necessarily mean a ring on your finger but I do mean the title that you want like your his girl. I miss that and I have learned here recently that everyone that I though really cared for me didn't. They cheated and lied to me over and over again. Don't let that stop you from finding your true love because your amazing and if they don't see that then well they can go fuck themselves. Banks- Waiting Time

Bad Choices?

Recently I haven't been making the best of choices with my love life... I feel pretty stupid but it's a learning process right? Recently I ended it with someone I really really liked. He made some stupid decisions and got arrested and I was told by his x while he was in jail that they were getting back together. I asked him if it was true and it was. I told him to have a nice life. I deserve better than that right? I'm tired of tearing up when I think about him! I was sooo stupid now on wednesday I have to sit in a room with him and a ton of other managers from other IHOPs. No he does not work with me right now... But at one time he did. I should have never have liked him or have gotten attached.... I've been hanging out with a good guy friend alot and every once in a while he will stay the night and hold me when we sleep (dont worry we are just sleeping) we fall asleep watching movies. But him and i wont date soo why is it that i start to get feelings. why do i like the guys that i cant have? or why is it that i like the bad boys... i should not date or waste my time on a guy with three current charges... he got out of jail the next day but its still the fact that he back talked a cop then didnt know when to shut up! i need the good guy...... WHY CANT I ACTUALLY GET ONE?

life isnt always easy

so lately i have been working my butt off, i work full time i am a server part time and a cook the other half, but when i cook i cook from midnight til 6 am all by myself. I am trying to get this manager position and there is someone competing against me, i know that i am close to being the manager but i cant deal with the competition. He is taking everything way to seriously it is just a promotion, it should not be something where you should get mad at a friend because they are trying to get it. im sad that i lost a friend but loosing him is making me push that much more into getting this job. Nobody cares more than i do and nobody has put in as much blood sweat and tears as i have. and being told that i am bad and that they would quit if i get it rips me apart. im sad to loose a friend this way.

Good News (not like other blogs)

Ok so recently life has been amazing for me! My family is getting along (no my brother still isn't talking to me) but I got a job at IHOP. I am now a server :3 sweet! and I get my licence soon (took forever I know) but know that I have a job I can get it. Also I am getting a car! I am also paying for this car all by my self!. My man and I fixed things again XD.  But this is his last chance! But I haven't been this happy in a long time and I am glad that I am happy again :D

Say

When I have a pen in my hand I let the kink form letters that form beautiful words that make musical sentences. Writing isn't the simple act of writing something down for me its like a ritual I do everyday it's inspirational and magical to me. A pen may nust be a writing utensil for many but for me a pen is the key to a locked door that unlocks a magical world of creativity and feelings. The pen makes the barriers of my current life and wold disappear into oblivion. Behind the pen I am not afraid to say something I am not scared to of getting hurt and most of all I am not the quiet Ashley that many people know I am a creative writer who listens as her muse sings to her everyday. Listen to your muse and "say (what you need to say)"-John Meyer